


Update - NOT A FICTION

by QueenGeekRose



Category: Original Work
Genre: Health Issues, Mental Health Issues, Other, Physical Disability, Status Updates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:28:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25277704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenGeekRose/pseuds/QueenGeekRose
Summary: A quick update on where I've been and what's been happening.
Kudos: 3





	Update - NOT A FICTION

So... I'm not dead. I've had some serious mental health and physical health breakdowns though. My doctor tells me it's no wonder I'm depressed with all my health issues, on one hand, then tells me to be gentle with myself. I get stuck in these dark loops and have trouble coming back out of them. Oh, and I've been diagnosed as anorexic because of my eating habits -- despite being classified as 'obese' as well. Yet another way I'm a medical conundrum.

And in a case of one of my stories mirroring real life again a bit too closely for my comfort - I was given sleeping pills because of my insomnia. First time in my life I've ever taken any, despite struggling with this issue since I was about ten or so, and I was given Ambien, which is normal enough, and a small dose at that, and only a ten day trial to see if that would reset my body clock and help kickstart my sleeping habits naturally. Well, long story short, not only did it fail to have the desired results, after only seven days, it had worsened my already extremely severe depression to the point I was severely suicidal and had to call Crisis Text Line and talk to online friends three days in a row. So, I am **NEVER TAKING SLEEPING PILLS AGAIN.**

Also, all this #metoo movement is a good thing, I have no doubt, but as a survivor of some very brutal things, things I haven't talked about with everyone here but have hinted at a bit in some of my writing, and I'm not saying what, the anxiety, panic, and trauma that stumbling onto these stories and posts can cause when you find one unexpectedly, or when you suddenly see your Twitter timeline full of everyone just stating the age they were when they were sexually assaulted, can trigger SEVERE PTSD, dissociation, panic attacks, and even more. I have spent so little time on social media this year, compared to other years, I almost have forgotten it even exists, but between that and the issues with COVID news spiking my anxiety and depression, I HAVE to, for my own sanity. I have been struggling a lot with the worst depression of my life this year already. As it is, I've already had to have my anti-depressants doubled just to keep my head above water. My Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) is the most serious case my doctor has ever seen, from what she said, and I hit the very lowest numbers on the scale, every time, unmedicated. Even with the medicines, I'm still only a few steps up. (it's a one to ten scale with ten being the worst. I'm usually sitting about a eight with the medicine properly adjusted.) I do have to say, with the medicine as it is right now, I'm sleepy a lot while I get used to it, but I have a lot less of a hard time. I have bad days, when my brain cycles back down, and the passively suicidal thoughts come back. I'm trying to fight back as much as I can. On my good days, I try to write and stream. Getting my meds adjusted is slowly giving me more good days. But be patient, metal health is a process. And just know, I am aware, a lot of you are struggling with the same things. My Discord is always open, come chat. It's a safe space and you can talk about whatever you want. It's a judgement free zone. https: // discord. gg / D54AY5N (just take out the spaces)

Now, for a bit of happier news. I have chapters of several stories well underway and ideas for some new things as well, maybe even some things not in these fandoms. 0.0 Shocking I know. We'll have to see what my time and motivation lets me do. In the meantime, I'm off to write some more smut for another story or three! Later folks! <3 Over the last few days, I have actually managed to get quite a bit of writing done on Night Breezes and Dancing to the Beat of the Rain, so hopefully I can get a chapter out for at least one of them by the end of the month, _maybe_ both if my brain cooperates and stops cycling into darkness constantly.


End file.
